poetry by Jill Scott

Lab animal (from Inside the Cage to You) by Jill Scott
(photo by celi 7/2008)






All right I'm not gon try to get it any more because I do believe I understand you
All this thinking for such a simple science
What does a bee do when the flower blooms?
What does the alley cat do when the unchained dog begins to growl?
I do believe I understand it now
I would be attracted to me too
I would be afraid of me if I ever got free too
I would create the bars and the locks and the chains and work so things won't change too if I were you
Just know that I am not blind anymore
Busy wasting my time no more
Busy tryin to understand you
I'm too busy understanding me
And you will always be afraid and we both know that

Don't we

Black is Beautiful

It was April 27, 2005, I was standing in the rain on a line that seemed to wrap around the earth or the Magic Johnson theater. I had a reserved copy of Jill Scott's poetry book titled the Moments, the Minutes, the Hours. It was my Mother's Day present from Jaz. Jill was at the bookstore signing copies of the book. When it was my turn, I offered a soggy weak handshake which she accepted with poise and a brillance that filled the room. No really this chic got it...that "it" which embodies confidence but not cockiness. I told her how I felt I was living my life like it's silver (making reference to her new release, golden) her reply,"All you need, you already have it. You just have to choose it." I walked away with book in hand and her words resonding in my frontal lobe but my hypothalamus won, damn I was starving! Years later I still remember her words, read her poetry, listen to her music, experienced her in concert at Carnegie Hall, am in awe of her spirit and damn, I'm still starving. Black is Beautiful. I embrace my blackness from my coarse patch of hair framing my face to my curvaceous body. I am Puertorirquena and therefore I am Taino Indian, Spaniard and Black. Black is beautiful and so is brown, tan, caramelo, off white and ivory. My people are beautiful because we come in a variety of colors. Mami es blanca como la leche, Papi trigueno como cafe bustelo y yo, pues, cafe con leche....sabroso! All that I need I already have I just have to choose it! Ya feel me! I choose to be happy, confident, informed, at peace and in love. I choose to love me....black. Shall I serve you a cup?

When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice. (White Elk, Native American quote)

(photo by celi, bear mountain '08)

Crash goes my Love

Alright so the title seems insensitive but for those of you who know me understand me. Jaz was in a car accident on Friday and actually I was very impressed with how she handled herself. (hence the title, ya feel me!) KABOOM, BIG UPS TO BROOKLYN! (I had absolutely no reason to say that just now but it was burning in my chest and needed to be released.) Just in sync with how you become reflective when experiences beyond any particular person's control occurs I thought on life's frailty.(similar to how inmates find Jesus while incarcerated ....yo JC sup...BIG UPS TO JESUS!) Firstly, I went straight into Nurse mode but foremost Mommy mode. Afterward I thought how in an istant your life can take on a whole different direction. I love my daughter from her beautiful curly lochs to her stink toes...foo nena! It was love at first sight. I remember when the doc announced, "it's a girl!" I couldn't believe it everyone thought I was having a boy. Aha, eso es un nene. Mirale la barriga. It was the very scientific method of how your belly is shaped determines the gender of your child. Yeah google it. You'll find it in all the medical journals. "It's a girl?!" I repeated and repeated until the doc told me its ok to touch her. She was placed on my chest there she was covered in that white film, full head of hair, eyes wide open and a CONEHEAD! Her head was shaped like a cone from her travels through my fun orifice. I experienced so many emotions at once and nothing has come close to the happiness I felt that very day Jasmine was born. Bear with me, I was really amazed by the miracle of life. Pero, check this out, I've had some trying times with Jasmine that I have tried to send her back up my fun orifice. I hate that no exchange/ no return policy with Motherhood. Still in all, this weekend awakened those loving and protective feelings in me. I'm thankful for what I have, who I am and the people that have enriched my life. I love you guys! There have been people who supported me when I couldn't support myself. (BIG UPS TO THE CIRCLE OF TRUST!)--Live life by your standards, push yourself to be better, learn something new, go beyond outward appearances and focus on the beauty within. (PURA VIDA PAPA. BIG UPS TO SCOTT.) And watch out for those double parked cars stupid!

Is it easy for you to identify physical beauty? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or is it in the beholding? How difficult is it for you to identify strength, determination and persistence within? This photograph taken at the Central Park Garden reminds me that nothing can deter one's true inner beauty!

central park garden

Hello my name is _____________.

In my dreaded freshman year of college I took on a greek and latin roots course. It was a blur, sorry to say but I finally was able to put a definition to my name. First of all, I had a hard time learning to fit my name on the header of my composition notebook, at times hyphenating it and continuing the spelling onto the back of the page. Pero, "lemme tel yew sumsing!" (that is - let me tell you something in a Nuyorican accent) trying to get people to pronounce it correctly was even more challenging. "Yes, I said Aracelis, ( ah-rah-sell-ees ). My name means divine being from above. Awww shoot now, that's sure to get me into heaven. Well, maybe not anymore, according to my Mother because I tattoed my body- "el que marca su cuerpo, que es templo de Dios, no entrara en el reino de Dios!" Hmmm...ok Mother, how about when you beat the crap out of "el templo de Dios?" does that count...hmmm, nevermind, that doesn't count. In a very angelic voice I say, "oh very nice to meet you, uh, yes that's Aracelis uh, huh? yes, Aracelis. Yeah, yeah it's a tough one (heavenly smile) well you can call me, Lisa. Nowadays I use celi for my writings and photography but I try not to simplify it anymore. (hey I'm going to hell anyway, wanna come along, bring your green hat!) I introduce myself as -Aracelis, roll th "r" why don't you, come on you can do it. Now lets look at some synonyms, shortcuts and compliments. Thank you, thank you very much (in my terrible Elvis-like voice) Hello, my name is Aracelis but you can call me_______... lisa , celi, lisy, lisita , ara, ari, rabiosa, lloroncita, flaca, nappyhead, spic, ashy, niblets, bugs, booger, bones, b*tch and hoe, hey wait a minute, what's in a name. Gee, no biggy, it's just one of the first formulations of your very being, your character, the definition of YOU. "...mirala tu la vez, esa ayi. Esa no alcansara a ser alguien en este mundo. Acaso salir embarazada ha temprana edad. Esa ayi, esa es una puta. Oh snap, Hello my name is Aracelis but you can call me puta. It was circa 1979 and my Dad was drunk, again. All of a sudden he's Walter Mercado predicting my future pero menos el,"...sobre todo mucho, mucho amor". My Dad's prediction flowed out of him as the vodka and budweiser flowed into him. Fast forwad to Septmeber 2008, here is my attempt at fluidity and so I'll roll my own "r" and define me- I am Aracelis, friendly, kind, funny, smart, generous, vibrant and welcoming. I am a Registered Professional Nurse, licensed in NYS, a Therapist, and an integral part of a dynamic day treatment team, an educator, a speaker, an advisor, a caretaker, a mother, a daughter, a partner and a friend. I'm a fighter. "block b*tch!", my internal coach screams. Thanks Dad, low blow, I never saw that one coming! Hello, my name is Aracelis and I'm a divine being from above but you can call me.... forgiving.